Some children are naturally quiet and present a similar personality at home and in school. However, for some quiet children they may have a specific anxiety around speaking in certain situations. They may have plenty to say but are unable to speak freely. This is often not apparent until the child goes to playgroup or nursery. It is now understood that a child’s mutism is not a choice. This is not normal shyness or obstinacy; it is a psychological condition where children have developed a ‘phobia’ of talking to anyone outside of their comfort zone. Their panic reaction can lead to them ‘freezing’ and being unable to talk or doing all that they can to avoid the need to talk.
If this is an issue for your child, in the first instance, you will be offered a parent only appointment. This will help us to learn more about your child’s areas of strength and need and their patterns of talking. We will identify some helpful strategies for home and for nursery/school.
Things that can help
Normalise worries about talking for your child:
- Let them know that you recognise it isn’t a choice.
- Reassure them it is OK and that you accept that they find talking difficult sometimes.
- Accept all forms of communication and respond as though they have spoken (e.g. smiles, head nod/shake, gesture, writing etc.
Help to build confidence and self-esteem:
- Focus on what children can do rather than can’t. Foster their individual skills, talents and interests so that they have plenty to feel good about.
- Create opportunities for success and problem solving (e.g. learning a new skill, developing independence, consider activities where the focus is not on speaking – arts/sports/self-care etc.
- The BBC Bitesize website includes lots of good information about how to build resilience (bounce back ability) for children and young people.
What to say when:
- Adults put pressure on your child to speak e.g. “are you going to speak to me today?” or “what have you been doing today?”
- You can say … “X will speak as soon as they feel ready”.
- Your child is not able to speak in a situation.
- You can … change questions to comments “we’ve had a busy day” or rephrase to a yes/no questions that can be answered by head nod/shake.
- You want to give some feedback or praise to your child.
- You can … Acknowledge the achievement in private. You might choose to describe what you are praising and add a strength word. For example, “you shared your toys / game / sweets with X and that was really kind of you” or “You nodded to answer that man in the shop today, I know that can be hard to do, you were very brave”.
For more ideas and advice for children and young people who experience anxiety around speaking, please visit: http://www.selectivemutism.org.uk/